18 Things I Will Not Regret Doing With My Kids

Justin sent me this article to read and it was encouraging to my heart to live intentional, simple and with grace. After all the nights might be long, but the weeks and years fly by! 

18 Things I Will Not Regret Doing With My Kids by Tim Challies

I Found This Thought Worthy...

Taken from Kevin DeYoung, on The Gospel Coalition

"Advice for Raising Godly Children"

Ten pithy sayings from John Witherspoon, Scottish Presbyterian pastor, President of Princeton (1768-1794), and signer of the Declaration of Independence, on parental authority and child rearing:

1. The best exercise in the world for children is to let them romp and jump about, as soon as they are able, according to their own fancy.

2. A parent that has once obtained and knows how to preserve authority will do more by a look of displeasure, than another by the most passionate words and even blows. It holds universally in families and schools, and even the greater bodies of men, the army and navy, that those who keep the strictest discipline give the fewest strokes.

3. There is not a more disgusting sight than the impotent rage of a parent who has no authority.

4. I have heard some parents often say that they cannot correct their children unless they are angry; to whom I have usually answered, then you ought not to correct them at all.

5. Nothing can be more weak and foolish, or more destructive of authority, than when children are noisy and in an ill humor, to give them or promise them something to appease them.

6. Let it always be seen that you are more displeased at sin than at folly.

7. Nothing is more destructive of authority than frequent disputes and chiding upon small matters. This is often more irksome to children than parents are aware of.

8. I am fully persuaded that the plainest and shortest road to real politeness of carriage, and the most amiable sort of hospitality is to think of others just as a Christian ought, and to express these thoughts with modesty and candor.

9. Many parents are much more ready to tell their children such or such a thing is mean, and not like a gentleman, than to warn them that they will incur the displeasure of their Maker.

10. It is a very nice thing in religion to know the real connection between, and the proper mixture of, spirit [i.e., matters of the heart] and form [i.e., disciplines like family worship and church attendance]. The form without the spirit is good for nothing; but on the other hand, the spirit without the form never yet existed.

All quotes are taken from Witherspoon’s Letters on the Education of Children, and On Marriage.

The Power of Vulnerability

Having watched this with Justin, it produced a very helpful conversation about a variety of ideas that Brene presents in her talk. And so I wanted to share it with you and hear your thoughts. Would love to read whatever you would like to share...I'll share more about our conversation sometime soon!! 

Perhaps, when I'm feeling vulnerable :).   

It's Not What You Think...

This article was good for me to remember and I am thankful to Lindsey for pointing me to Nesting Place blog!  

Here is a snipet of her article, "It's Not What You Think", writing about where to make mistakes and what holds us back from creating a "beautiful, meaningful home on purpose".

What if we looked at our home as not only a training ground for our children to learn how to be responsible adults but also as a training ground of sorts for ourselves?  What if we decided there was a safe place in this world to make mistakes, play, take a risk and be who it is we want to be?  Wouldn’t the natural place for that to start be in the comfort of home?

Because if we cannot dare to be our true selves and make mistakes in our home, how can we ever expect anyone else to let their guard down while they are there?  And isn’t that the true purpose of a home?  It’s there to serve us and others, it’s a place of connection, a place of rest.  But we don’t always take full advantage of its true purpose and instead we become a slave to our home.

You've Got Your Hands Full...

I snagged this from my friend Joy. It was a real encouragement to me this morning!  May you live well the Gospel to your children or others today-knowing that is is about Him and not us.

----------

… of good things!

I think Rachel Jankovic best articulates this encouragement and challenge. I have taken the liberty to post her helpful article below. I hope you will enjoy reading her words as much as I have!

A few years ago, when I just had four children and when the oldest was still three, I loaded them all up to go on a walk. After the final sippy cup had found a place and we were ready to go, my two-year-old turned to me and said, “Wow! You have your hands full!”

She could have just as well said, “Don’t you know what causes that?” or “Are they all yours?!”

Everywhere you go, people want to talk about your children. Why you shouldn’t have had them, how you could have prevented them, and why they would never do what you have done. They want to make sure you know that you won’t be smiling anymore when they are teenagers. All this at the grocery store, in line, while your children listen.

A ROCK-BOTTOM JOB?

The truth is that years ago, before this generation of mothers was even born, our society decided where children rank in the list of important things. When abortion was legalized, we wrote it into law.

Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing.

If you grew up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood, to think like a free Christian woman about your life, your children. How much have we listened to partial truths and half lies? Do we believe that we want children because there is some biological urge, or the phantom “baby itch”? Are we really in this because of cute little clothes and photo opportunities? Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? If so, what were we thinking?

IT’S NOT A HOBBY

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.

Our culture is simply afraid of death. Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying. Strangely, it is that fear that drives the abortion industry: fear that your dreams will die, that your future will die, that your freedom will die—and trying to escape that death by running into the arms of death.

RUN TO THE CROSS

But a Christian should have a different paradigm. We should run to to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have had by yourself. Let it go.

Death to yourself is not the end of the story. We, of all people, ought to know what follows death. The Christian life is resurrection life, life that cannot be contained by death, the kind of life that is only possible when you have been to the cross and back.

The Bible is clear about the value of children. Jesus loved them, and we are commanded to love them, to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord. We are to imitate God and take pleasure in our children.

THE QUESTION IS HOW

The question here is not whether you are representing the gospel, it is how you are representing it. Have you given your life to your children resentfully? Do you tally every thing you do for them like a loan shark tallies debts? Or do you give them life the way God gave it to us—freely?

It isn’t enough to pretend. You might fool a few people. That person in line at the store might believe you when you plaster on a fake smile, but your children won’t. They know exactly where they stand with you. They know the things that you rate above them. They know everything you resent and hold against them. They know that you faked a cheerful answer to that lady, only to whisper threats or bark at them in the car.

Children know the difference between a mother who is saving face to a stranger and a mother who defends their life and their worth with her smile, her love, and her absolute loyalty.

HANDS FULL OF GOOD THINGS

When my little girl told me, “Your hands are full!” I was so thankful that she already knew what my answer would be. It was the same one that I always gave: “Yes they are—full of good things!”

Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work.

Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross. There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone.

Article taken from Desiring God. 

Hospitality

"Don’t ever underestimate the power of your living room as a launching pad for new life and hope and ministry and mission!" -John Piper

For those of you that desire to live well for the King and His Kingdom, check out this article.  It is well written and rich in thought.

on Breathing...

Justin sent me this blog post.  It was really good.  Take a moment and read it. Really, you should. 

I am thankful for a husband that points me towards good thinking.  

I am sure you will agree it is 5 needed reminders on breathing in a breathless world.

This one was really good...

2. don’t confuse the urgent with the important

Urgent is bossy. Important is patient. Checking your email will not make it better. In fact, on the day when I’m grasping to be productive, checking my email makes it worse. A lot worse. Email feels urgent, but it is rarely important. Urgent things come in from outside and hop up and down on the ground of our souls, shaking us up until we engage with them. Important things rise up from the convictions of our spirit and line the path of our lives with intention, purpose, focus, and heart. I need to know the difference. My family begs me to know the difference.

and this one...

5. lift up your eyes

One useless day does not have to mean writer’s block for months on end or failure to meet a goal forever. It does not mean you are on the wrong track or chose the wrong profession or are hopelessly lazy. One useless day is simply that: one day. We usually see what we look for, so if you look for the gift in that day, if you dare to set aside your own compulsions, you might see this hilarious uselessness as a felt reminder of your own smallness. And oh, the blessed relief of my smallness! And so be small, and lift up your eyes to see where your help comes from.

Emily blogs from NC so that makes it an even better post to read. :)

A Good Reminder For Me

This article, written by my friend Kristen was a good reminder to me.  Even if your hair is stick straight, it is worth reading.  Jump over and be encouraged to be who God created you to be...

Kristen, thanks, I appreciate your journey.

How Eternity Shapes Our Mundane

"We tend to forget about tomorrow and eternity when our day is filled with the tyranny of the urgent. Do you ever feel like that ball in the arcade game that ricochets off the walls? Supervise homework while diverting toddlers from swishing their arms in the toilet! Hand down verdicts in Mother’s Court about whose toy it really is! No wonder it’s hard to keep an eternal perspective."


"The reality of forever reminds us to prioritize eternity in our hopes for our children. But before we extend an eternal perspective to others then we must be hoping in Christ. Too often my hope is in my ever-changing circumstances. I say things like, "I really need the baby to take his nap this morning," which is a fine thing to say and a fine thing to look forward to. But if come lunch time and the nap didn't happen and I'm so emotionally wasted by it that it ruins my afternoon ... then I've probably put more faith in that nap than in the never-changing circumstances of the gospel."


I read THIS (from desiringgod.org ) article and it was a sweet reminder of my role in my children's lives.  The days are flying by and I DO want to use all the moments God has given me to turn my kids towards Jesus.  


Maybe it will refresh your thinking too!

Diet Revolution...

I recently read this post from a long time friend and found it encouraging to see her thoughts on food.  If you get a chance to read it head over to Putting Down Roots by Amy C.  Amy is a friend from college and ADPI  living in Maine with her three kids and farming husband.  She is one of the most researched and simple/natural/willing to give anything a try I know.  She is awesome as she thinks through life on her blog!  And when we have a play date at the end of March I think our kids will have a blast together.  :)

"How a bookcase helped me eat better (and the results of the sugar cleanse)-The Nourishing Gourmet

I found this article over on The Nourishing Gourmet helpful and encouraging (especially the first part about a bookcase).  

Take a chance to read it if you can. 

How a bookcase helped me eat better (and the results of the sugar cleanse)

by KIMIHARRIS on FEBRUARY 13, 2012

I am going to talk about bookshelves and how bookshelves really are related to how well I eat and the sugar cleanse. You’ll see the connection, I promise!

I bought the above bookshelves from a friend who is moving across country. We are in need of more bookshelf space right now, and in a couple months we are moving and leaving behind built in bookshelves, so we will have even more need of them. We set them up in our living room, and I finally had a place to store the books that were crowded into a tiny little bookshelf. I also found room in the closed cupboard below the bookshelf to store all of Elena’s schoolbooks that were crowded on our kitchen table and behind the couch. Alongside them, went her craft supplies that were overflowing in the office. That lead my husband and I to clean through the office, taking out bags of old mail to be shredded or burned, and trash too. Then, I found a place for some books from an upstairs bookcase in our new bookcase. The old bookcase was refitted into our music studio bookshelf so that we could finally find music a bit more easily. (Actually, Joel somehow always knew were to find the music, but I couldn’t find things easily at all). Those simple transformations were enough to inspire me to more change.

I’ve found in my own life that personal success breeds success, no matter how small the success was. Unfortunately, failure can also discourage me, which leads to more failure. I think that is true for getting our eating habits in order too. But our eating habits aren’t isolated, but can be very affected by the order of the rest of our lives.

What I mean is this, when our lives are so hectic and stressful, it can be really hard to put time and energy into making a simple, healthy dinner at home. When your life is out of control, sometimes your eating habits go out of control too. When the house seems turned upside down and out of order, I personally can find it hard to have my meal planning, shopping and cooking in order as well. One facet of life is not unrelated to the rest of your life. One part of your life in disarray can lead to other parts of your life in disarray too.

The last two weeks I have fallen behind in some of my chores around the house, as well as some of my writing projects. When you are faced with miles of writing to do, mountains of laundry and a sticky kitchen flour, it can make you want to sit down and look at pictures on Pinterest. (Okay, at least it does for me).

However, when my husband and I got the bookshelves in order, which freed up a lot of other disorderly areas of my house, I got so encouraged that I was able to start making good progress again.

Yesterday, I finally found a place to put all of the new supplements my daughter is on, cleared the counters, and got the kitchen back in order, so that when dinner time came rolling around, it truly wasn’t a big deal to throw together a simple soup. When I have my kitchen organized and running smoothly, I can make meals more easily, and resist foods that I really don’t want to feed my family or myself.

I still have my work cut out for me, but at least I see that I am making good progress again in the house, my writing, and back on track with my meal planning.

Yes, buying a bookshelf did all this for me and more. I think I could become a salesman for bookshelves!

But it also works the other way. Sometimes if you can get your meal planning, shopping, and meal preparation in order, you get so encouraged by your success, you start to get inspired to push through in other areas in your life.

For those of you on the sugar cleanse, which is now, officially at least, rolling to an end, you’ve probably found that if you didn’t plan your meals ahead, have healthy snacks, and a satisfied tummy, it was way harder to resist treats.

You know, I don’t have a simple solution to my, or anyone else’s scheduling, energy, or other roadblocks to a healthy lifestyle. But I can say this from my own experience, seeking to have a simpler lifestyle (which for us is including getting rid of extra stuff we just don’t need), pushing through to find success in one area (so that I get encouraged to seek success in another area), and intentionally planning out my life is all helpful in having a better balanced life. That better-balanced life helps me cook a better balanced diet too.

I am still getting there myself, and it’s just a very busy time for us, but I am hopeful that once I get over a couple of “roadblocks” in the form of laundry, sorting through stuff, and setting up better writing schedules, I will be well on my way to a simpler, less stressful lifestyle.

My personal results on the sugar cleanse: 
During this time of reflecting on my life, seeing progress, but still needing to do a lot, it was really helpful to be doing the sugar cleanse. While there were many times when I would have normally put a dab of maple syrup in my coffee, tried a sample of gourmet dessert or chocolate at the store, or had another type of naturally sweetened dessert at home, that sense of denying myself of something helped me regain better self-control.

I’ve always found that if I have better self-control over eating food when I am not hungry or when I just don’t need the extra sugar, that self-control reaches over and gives me strength to have better self-control in how I use my time too. It’s a funny thing how that happens. It must be how each part of our life is interconnected with every other part of our lives.

For those who struggled:
Now, I know that some of you had a really difficult time with the cleanse. If you found that you just couldn’t stay away from sugar, I ask that you not feel that you were a failure. Feeling condemnation from this two week fast of sugar is not the point. My piano teacher always told me when I had a memory blank out when playing for her that I had “struck gold”. That mistake showed me an area in my music where I was weak and needed to work extra hard. In the same way, if you found it impossible to resist refined sugar during this cleanse, then perhaps you also “struck gold”. Perhaps the reason you had a hard time isn’t simply an issue of self-control (though it could be), but perhaps it’s a sign that the rest of you life is so hectic, you don’t have time to eat well. Perhaps your lifestyle is what needs to be balanced out, and then a balanced diet will follow. Or perhaps your body is addicted to sugar, unknown to you, and you “struck gold” in finding that out through trying to do the sugar fast. Now you need to dig deeper and look at your health with a broader viewpoint in healing.

I found that I was fine without dessert, except when I was tired. It made me realize how I liked to eat something sweet to keep me going. My problem was simply not having self-control to resist that second serving of yummy dessert, it was a problem of fatigue. Getting better rest and rebuilding my energy stores is in order (which will then make it easier to resist too many sweets). I also had such great energy when I was writing my salad cookbook, that I think I will start incorporating more raw salad greens into my diet.

For those who had success:
Others of you had great success on the sugar cleanse and found that you lost weight, gained energy, and a clearer mind. I’d encourage you to use that success to continue to breed success! The more you eat a certain way, the more second nature it becomes. Let that success spill over into other facets of your life, which should be easier now that you are more energetic and have a quicker mind.

Others mentioned to me that while it was easy to stay away from sweets, you were surprised not to feel any more energy. I can relate. Fatigue is certainly not always linked to sugar consumption. For me, removing foods that bother me (dairy), getting a lot of sleep (which feels very hard right now with my littlest one), and seeing a naturopath for help has been crucial for boosting my energy.

I am not claiming any simple answers to either finding success, or overcoming health issues. I am on a journey myself. But whether you had success taking out refined sugar from your diet, or not, I hope that this cleanse was helpful to you in either encouraging you in your success, or helping you “strike gold” in the sense of discovering something in your life that needs to be dug down deeper to remove.

When Should a Kid Start Kindergarten?

I read this article in time New York Times Magazine-When Should a Kid Start Kindergarten-and it has given me a lot to chew on in reference to when we start Katie in 'school'.  She is a very creative girl, never has gone to preschool (though I am not opposed to it), explored museums, done classes like gymnastics, swimming and dance, had many playdates, weekly trips to the library, etc...we have done lots of things that would be related to learning from an 'unschooling' approach thus far.  Though she loves the workbooks I've picked up or family have sent as presents too.

She is still just 4 1/2 years old and I think needs to learn within the midst of playing and the areas she is drawn to.  For example, we can learn about how things grow when we plant our garden.  Or we are learning about a few artists since she loves to paint.  We have talked about how God has created us and this world when we explore the walking path while exercising.  We've allowed her to interact with adults (the college girls living with us) teaching rich vocabulary and good question asking skills. I am not saying that 'unschooling' is for us long term, but it has been great to see her LOVE learning, playing, being creative and grow in awe of the world around us.

Oh and I love the ideas in Montessori education.  I value the foundation that classical ed brings. I appreciate the structure that traditional schooling provides.  etc. etc. etc.  Oh, the choices!  Then there is public, private, charter, homeschooling...  whew!

Katie will be 5 in May and we originally thought we would start her in Kindergarten this August.  But I am struggling with her being 'young' in her classes.  I would much rather see her grow more in her maturity, confidence, ability to grasp ideas...before 4-6 hours are spent specifically doing a curriculum. I think.

We are learning how to read and it is in 10-20 minutes a day.  She LOVES it.  So I know she would love to keep doing school or go to school...that will only keep me on my toes to plan and research things to expose the kiddos too.

So many options and so many things to consider.  We don't know what we will do yet (start her or keep her out one more year)...but at least there are plenty of things to read giving us food for thought and this article being one.  Not to mention the many hours still to pray and seek His direction for our oldest sweet girl.

Praying for wisdom, humility and listening ears.