Journaling-The Glasses Are Clearer

In lots of ways I still feel in my teens.  The age where everything feels like it is coming at you fast and furious and its hard to catch what must be caught and dodge what must be dodged.  It's a full and fun and adventous stage. Then it's an overwhelming, senses-filled time too. But I'm getting better, albit slowly.  Being 40 now seems impossible.

Wasn't I just playing high school sports, or in my sorority in college -standing up in the bed of a pick up truck as a Senior encouraing all the incoming Freshman? Or what about the nights which seem so close, being up at all hours with little ones and desperate for a few hours of uninterupted sleep-weren't they just yesterday?

It's interesting, I still have this feeling which follows me around, what am I DOING?  How do I make THAT decision?  What did I miss in THAT conversation? Why CAN'T I wake up more refreshed? Why can't I keep my eyes open past 10 pm? Where do I GLEAN more patience or gratitiude?

Justin and I say often, we are looking for corners in a round world.  It's the feeling of, if I could just turn a corner then I'd know something, then I'd understand, it would click, we'd get it.  But we're learning it doesn't work like that.  Life, like many say, is many ups and downs. It's getting back in the arena to face the giants one more time. It's the fight of faith, daily. There are not magic shortcuts, but there are beautiful views.

And, in this past decade my glasses have gotten a bit clearer.  I can see the world better.  I can see myself better. I can see my God better.

I see my need of a soverign Father carring me through each battle I face and I am quicker to see His hand at work in my life.  I see His grace upon grace. I see his hand giving me my daily allotment of patience and it never running short of character building me into His likeness. I see His steady hand. I see myself clearer as His child.  I see my need to stay moving in His direction.  I see my need to listen to His voice and act upon that truth come quicker. I realize my voice needs to be heard by others and not just in my head and yet I clearer see I'm just a vessel and it's all about Him and not me. I see my need for space and time as a time to listen better to the Holy Spirit, not just take a break from the "world".

The glasses I'm wearing are clearer. Thank the good Lord for His never leaving, always loving, refinement in my life. I like seeing Him better.