journaling-tired? tired.

I tell Katie sometime throughout most days that being tired might be a reason that she might be having a hard time obeying or having a happy heart, but it is not an excuse to disobey or complain or grumble...

I need to speak these truths to myself.

I am still in the very tired "newborn" stage with Owen-even though he is already 4 months old. Both my kids have not been solid sleepers for more then 3-4 hours during the day or night. (Katie didn't sleep throughout the night until 8-9 months) So I am still in a stage when I get up every night two or three times to feed Owen...then am up by 6:30 or so in the morning. (but bless Justin, when he is home he gets up with the kiddos and I get to sleep in a bit, or get a longer nap...thank you love!)

This makes me so sleepy in the morning. Don't get me wrong I am glad for morning, it gets me out of my slump and makes me start my day. But every morning I have to pray for a happy heart. For a heart that enjoys playing at 7 am and enjoys relating to my smiley baby who wants to play and not eat. I have to drink my coffee and allow this to jump start my day. I have to work at my attitude in the morning!

So being tired is not an excuse for being harsh or impatient with Katie, or Justin or Owen. It isn't an opportunity to sin-it is simply a way for me to NEED the Lord more and his provision. An opportunity to lean upon my savior. A time for me to quote to myself, "The Joy of the Lord WILL BE MY STRENGTH". To turn on some worship music and sing to lift my tired body into a working mode for the day. And to get in at all costs, a few minutes or more of time in the scriptures. I am continually amazed how truly the Word is life to my weary body. It is the well I need to be drinking from and it satisfies. It puts into my wrong thinking...some right thinking.

My kids and family deserve me at my very best. This means I need to work extra hard at balancing my time. I need to play, then get a few things done, have a quiet time, take a nap (which I have learned is sometimes the most spiritual thing I could do) so I don't snap, and then play some more.

And sometime soon, I will make it up before my kids do. I desperately want this. I want to be ready for my day and great my kiddos and hubby with a smile and kiss, not a struggling good morning and a dragging of my feet. I will one day get my time alone with Jesus before I start my day. Right now it works during Katie's room time or at naps for me to meet with Jesus. My friend Kristin has blogged about this and it was a healthy reminder that it will come. It will come.

Thank you Lord for your help in my weakness. For allowing me to be refined in this area of depending upon you and not upon my own strength-it's a life lesson. Thank you for not leaving me by myself to learn this -because I wouldn't, I would be a mess without sleep. But with your help, I can function and do function. I want to show my family that my attitude is a choice. And I choose to be content in this time of no sleep. I choose to be joyful and thankful for the Lord's help in all things, in all areas of my life.