Journaling-Breastfeeding it is a ...

*I wrote this in November (didn't post as I never finished my thoughts)...I need to have a record of these times. Haven't reread this to even see if it makes sense...going to post it anyway. Raw thoughts and probably lots of poor writing skills below!


war.
A battle constantly to get Owen (and katie before) feed. I am at war every couple of hours, everyday for the past 7 weeks.

I really don't expect you to read this post unless you are struggling with breastfeeding or if you are me and need to remember what goes on in my body and my kiddos. I am blogging about this so that if we have more kids I can remember what it is like for me to breasfeed and for my kiddos to eat.

Basically, breastfeeding for me is incredibly difficult. I know many other women struggle with this, but nothing has brought me to my knees more then this area of my life. I know that it will not last. Owen will grow up, like katie and he will eventually eat table food. But for the time being, whew....battle on.

Me. The issues.

My body makes milk just like every other woman. It just does not make very much, makes too much foremilk, and my "let down" is way too fast.

1. Not enough milk...Even if I do some extra pumping after feedings or I drink some Mother's milk tea, or take other things like fenugreek. My breasts don't feel full much of the time and if I pump I get about 2-3 oz. Not enough for my growing boy that wants more in about 1 1/2 hours.

On top of that, if I do happen to have a full breast, I have to pump off some of the foremilk because I have a very fast let down which causes Owen to choke, pull off and then not want to latch back on well. He clicks so much-swallowing air then needs to burp, which again does not allow him to want to latch back on well because he is on and off, on and off. This continues in a cycle until he either, full out refuses to eat more or does finally get to the hindmilk which is the fatty part causing them to feel full and sleep well.

Why is it so important that a baby empties the breast? Because the foremilk and hindmilk work together for digestion in their bodies. Without the hindmilk to balance out the acid in his system brought in by the foremilk a baby can be in a lot of disconfort/pain. One site said that to much foremilk simply shreads a babies digestion track sending them to cry/scream, pull up their knees, not sleep, become over tired and be miserable. The way I figured this out was through his stinky. If a baby has a green stinky then more then likely they are receiving to much foremilk and never getting a balance of the hindmilk in their system. Green stinky was the trigger for me. That was katie and it is now Owen.

To help with emptying the breast, I have done a few things. Made sure they are really hungry. Owen can make it 2 1/2 to 3 hours if I hold him, use the paci or the Ergo. I also let him feed on the same breast if he is just too hungry to wait the whole time. This allows him to continue working to get hindmilk. I also have pumped a bottle and fed it to him this way to make sure the bottle is a mixture of both milks.

My let down-I have to work on this a lot. I can't let my breast get to full or he choaks. I need to use a bottle if necessary so he can get a full feeding. The issues I run into are two fold. I get to full, it comes out to fast and I have to much skim milk...he never gets the good fats!

*Update at 8 months, Owen eats like a champ. Can keep up with my letdown and probably prefers it since he eats quickly. Drains all the milk out of both side-needs both sides in order to get full. Has JUST started going from 10pm till 6am-every couple of nights. Eating solids too which helps. I am not one that loves breastfeeding. I will not be sorry to see it go in just a few short months. But it convenient, healthy, easy (as of 6 mo. plus), and great comfort when he is sick. Is it worth pushing through all the hard months? Yes, and no. It is horrible the first 6 months, then better and when I needed sleep and I thought I would be brought to the breaking point. Terribly hard, but God sustains ALWAYS.
And if we ever have another little one, I will either formula feed so that I don't fall apart-snap at my kids way to frequently and have things stressed with Justin. Or I will do MORE of a combination of formula and breastfeeding until things work themselves out. Formula is a lifesaver for someone like me. But breastfeeding is God's way of feeding babies and I am willing to give myself lots of grace if we ever do this again. Grace, Grace, Grace, Grace...